Working Through Grief
Get Support
The single most important factor in healing from loss is having the support of other people. Even if you aren't comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it's important to express them when you're grieving. Sharing your loss makes the burden of grief easier to carry. Wherever the support comes from, accept it and do not grieve alone. Connecting to others will help you heal.
Finding support after a loss:
- Turn to friends and family members - Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Draw loved ones close, rather than avoiding them, and accept the assistance that's offered. Oftentimes, people want to help but don't know how, so tell them what you need - whether it's a shoulder to cry on or help with funeral arrangements.
- Draw comfort from your faith - If you follow a religious tradition, embrace the comfort its mourning rituals can provide. Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you - such as praying, meditating, or going to church - can offer solace. If you're questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a clergy member or others in your religious community.
- Join a support group - Grief can feel very lonely, even when you have loved ones around. Sharing your sorrow with others who have experienced similar losses can help. To find a bereavement support group in your area, contact local hospitals, hospices, funeral homes, and counseling centers.
- Talk to a therapist - If your grief feels like too much to bear, call a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling. An experienced therapist can
help you work through intense emotions and overcome obstacles to your grieving.If someone you care about has suffered a loss, you can help them heal by asking about their feelings, spending time just being with them, and listening when they want to talk.
Take Care of Yourself
When you're grieving, it's more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.
- Face your feelings. You can try to suppress your grief, but you can't avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.
- Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way. Write about your loss in a journal. If you've lost a loved one, write a letter saying the things you never got to say; make a scrapbook or photo album celebrating the person's life; or get involved in a cause or organization that was important to him or her.
- Look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel good physically, you'll also feel better emotionally. Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don't use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood artificially.
- Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it's time to move on or get over it. Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It's okay to be angry, to yell at the heavens, to cry or not to cry. It's also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're ready.
- Plan ahead for grief triggers. Anniversaries, holidays, and milestones can reawaken memories and feelings. Be prepared for an emotional period of time, and know that it's completely normal. If you're sharing a holiday or lifecycle event with other relatives, talk to them ahead of time about their expectations and agree on strategies to honor the person you loved.
Use Journaling to Help You Heal
Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be very helpful as you move through the stages of grief. Don't censor what you write, just let the feelings, thoughts and memories come up and write them down or draw about them in any way at all. Writing letters to someone you've lost or about your loss can be very powerful too. Address the letter to whomever you'd like and know that it does not need to be read by anyone in order for the letter writing to be helpful to you.
Know When to Seek Professional Help for Grief
Contact a professional therapist if you:
- Feel like life isn't worth living
- Wish you had died with your loved one
- Blame yourself for the loss or for failing to prevent it
- Feel numb and disconnected from others for more than a few weeks
- Are having difficulty trusting others since your loss
- Are unable to perform your normal daily activities